Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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