i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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