I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
