I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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