He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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