What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
