Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
