I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
