I want to stick my p in your. b.
Do you still have your period?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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