Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
