His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
