what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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