I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We need a shit load of segways right now
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
