I only kidnapped one of them. chill
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
