Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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