i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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