Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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