Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
