I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
