If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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