could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We left the knife in your bed.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
