I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
