recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
