just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
