i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
