Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
