Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Your cock deserves a montage
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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