i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
His nipple licking is glorious
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