mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
sarcasm needs its own font
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
