Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
