Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
