they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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