Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
