I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
