dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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