I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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