I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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