At least make sure they are 18
Why
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
