Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Someone came in the potted fern
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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