I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
