when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
