I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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