google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
