all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
