We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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