I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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