my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
