I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
