The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
