Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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