apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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